I have a shit ton of important work to do for Inner City Community College.....This work includes accreditation crap....stuff...that is of Very Important Status for Inner City Community College. And I do care about this place, because the students do need us. For so many of them, sweet little things that they are, ICCC is their very last hope.
And yet, my beautiful son, my beloved boy, is having a hard time. On the night of January 19th, my gorgeous boy called me to tell me he was about to jump off a tall garage building near his U. His call came in just as I was walking to my car after our bi-annual meeting for adjunct faculty. I had stayed late to listen to the very real, very pressing concerns of the part timers whose lives and personal needs have been disregarded by the current administration.
There, in the garage, in my car, as part time faculty who had not had a chance to tell me their very real and very important life problems that were being overlooked by our new administration's policies tried to get my attention by tapping on the car driver's side window, I talked my son into not jumping. I had him Baker Acted by calling his therapist, who by the grace of God had secured a full disclosure to me from my beautiful and alive boy just weeks before.
I am having a very hard time, my RYS, CM and ZtH friends. Please meditate, pray, or chant for me, whatever best suits you. And for my beautiful, vibrant, full-of-possibilities-though-he-doesn't-even-know-it son.
Thanks. Bella
Oh, dear, dear, Bella, stay strong. I am thinking of you all day...and tomorrow too.
ReplyDelete@Bella: You and your son are in my thoughts. I don't know what else to say.
ReplyDeleteBless you both. Thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry this is happening to you, Bella.
ReplyDeleteBella, I'm terribly sorry about this horrible turn of events. Bless you and you and your son. I hope he gets help and becomes your full-of-possibilities-and-is-starting-to-know-it son soon.
ReplyDeleteWishing both of you all the best, Bella.
ReplyDeleteVery loud prayers on behalf of both of you.
ReplyDeleteBella, I am so sorry. I will be thinking about you. I have been in nearly the same position you, and my son has been in nearly the same position as yours. Your work is important, but you are more important. Your son is being taken care of and is loved much by you, but please make sure that you are leaning on people, and delegating what you need to so that you can weather this.
ReplyDeleteTalk to your in-person family and friends, talk to us. Email me if you'd like to. transplanted.anne at gmail.com
Transplanted Anne
Bella, I am so sorry. Prayers for you and your boy. It's OK to let the other important, unjust, pressing things fall away and care for him and yourself.
ReplyDeleteOh, Bella. I'm so very sorry, and will indeed be keeping both of you in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteThis is also a good reminder to never assume that anyone (student, colleague, administrator) is ignoring you in order to pay attention to something less important. It might, in fact, be far more important.
In the words of a useful aphorism of uncertain origin "be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle" (or maybe "fighting a battle you know nothing about").
And yes, Bella, let the work stuff slip a bit if you need to. The problems of higher ed will still be here in a month, or a year (and I very much hope your son will be, too, better-equipped through working through this episode to make his contribution to a world that needs what each one of us has to give).
Thank you to everyone for all your good wishes. It is a very odd feeling, coming to work so "not in it." I've never been in that place before. I've had friends and colleagues both tell me to just take leave. But I don't know that I'd be better not working, either. It's not like we can help our boy by following along with him and staring at him anxiously.
ReplyDeleteOne place I am still "in it" for little periods of time is right there in the classroom. Which is nice. Helping them learn to write and to appreciate literature is transporting. I just tried a new method of peer review (I had it all planned and ready to go long before) and I was thrilled there, for ten minutes or so, watching them do it. And students, at least our students, are kindhearted creatures at the heart of things.
Oh dear Bella - I'll meditate my brains out for you <3
ReplyDeleteAt the same time... This story captures everything that is wrong with how contingent faculty are treated. The University sees full-timers and students as characters, and contingent faculty as props. Adjuncts are 60% of the faculty. For every real character in this position, there's an adjunct and a half going through something just like it. They aren't holograms that dissipate at C.O.B. and fire up again in the morning. They go home, grade and lesson plan for the 3x course-load they have to carry to earn the same keep (without benefits), and in between they have things that are Important.
And they really and truly are getting screwed by a new policy at my college. I agree with you, Wombat. A friend suggested I take leave. I don't know if I want to, but I could. None of them can. And if I screw up during this time, I don't have to worry about not being asked back. All kinds of privilege and I appreciate having them and am sorry so many others don't.
DeleteAll the best to you, Bella, strength and light and love! Will keep you and your son in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteBella, I'm so sorry. Please accept good wishes and virtual hugs for you and your son.
ReplyDeleteBella, I hope that a week+ advanced from that horrifying night, that both you and your son have begun to achieve some sense of better understanding and healing. Having been the cause of a harrowing phone call many, many years ago (19 is a terrifyingly dicey age for boys/men), I can tell both of you that it gets better. My parents got me the help I needed, as you are no doubt getting your son, and I recovered.
ReplyDeleteI learned lessons that sustained me through other difficult periods, and helped prepare me for the other end of the phone once I had kids. I also gained understanding of & respect for my parents, along with a stronger relationship with them. You will emerge from this stronger.
Thoughts & prayers for you both!
All that is good and love and light in this world, shine on Bella and her beautiful son that their hearts be refreshed and their spirits uplifted now and always.
ReplyDeleteThank you again to all for your kind thoughts and words and well wishes.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful and alive boy is still beautiful and alive, and still having a hard time. I think he might be.....better. One very nice thing about telling people about this is that I have realized how many others have suffered the same thing. I told my face-to-face students, and so many of them have also shared their own stories with me individually. I am sad to know how much pain people go through, but I am also so hopeful to know how many make it through that pain and go on to live strong and healthy lives.