--I make about $14,000 per year (we'll call it 14 large to sound cool).
--My house in underwater. Market crashed a few years after we bought. It's also in the city of
Chicago (bang-bang; I thought that we were done with that in the 1920s), so there's that. It was a mistake, but one we could not have prevented.
--Didn't even finish my degree. (Anxiety, ADD, etc.)
--Adjuncting. Student loan payments are more than my salary. Not teaching in summer, unfortunately.
--Student Loan Forgiveness: Adjuncts need not apply. (Yes, I know Dick Durbin is working on something . . . or was, in 2014 . . .)
--Out of forebearances. (Forebearancii?)
--My poor wife!
--My poor kids.
I asked some folks who are in the discipline in which I teach, and they didn't have much to say other than "teach in Saudi Arabia" and "Wait for Durbin."
Suicide is an option; if I die, I think the loans go away. The shame on my wife and children, though, makes this not an option. Not in the slightest. I'm ok.
Look, I've had some bad luck, but I've also made bad decisions. Mostly bad luck, though.
I've tried to get jobs in other fields. Dice: None. I'm 48.
I'm writing a letter of rec tonight for a decent student. I'm not sure why I'm doing this.
What options do I have? Any ideas? I have none.
Prof. Pottah
Suicide is NOT an option. Your family certainly won't think it is. You're worth a WHOLE lot more to them, even with the debt---even if you were to take up working at Wal-Mart, where you might even make more money.
ReplyDeleteAre you sure that K-12 teaching is out of the question? I know the city of Chicago, and it seemingly has an unlimited need for good teachers. If it doesn't, you could always come to Fresno, where the winters aren't nearly as bad.
Best of luck!
In order of importance:
ReplyDelete1) don't kill yourself
1) don't kill yourself
1) don't kill yourself
2) I am 43 and at 41 I was in your position. Well, except for Chicago. Didn't finish the degree and everything. I got a degree in administration that opened a door that opened another door, and now I'm making 71 large and I'm basically teaching anyway (technically, I have an administrative title, and the "real" professors out vote me (in that they get to vote and I don't) on curriculum issues (and they vote for stupid shit, but I can live with that)). So don't rule anything out. The administrative thing was supposed to be my way of finally giving up on the professor fantasy and then instead it got me to a better version of the fantasy than I previously imagined (and I still didn't ever finish the PhD - anxiety be damned)
3) I hate writing letters of recommendation for students who are applying to PhD programs - I'm jealous - I'm writing a letter about how great they're going to be at something I never finished - write it anyway and then go to the Illinois state system website and see if you can find an online degree that you can take at a pace of 6 creds per semester (this makes you eligible to defer your old loans and take out new ones - I know - I know - more loans STRESSS - I know - but look at it this way, your neighbors in Oak Park are doing this shit anyway with credit cards so they can get a new BBQ and then they'll default and declare bankruptcy anyway - you're trying to get to a better place than struggling along on 14-large) and try to move in a different professional direction - K-12, admin, academic advising... get yourself unstuck and think of it as an investment. Don't worry that you didn't finish the first degree so why would this work? We always go for the content we love the first time around and in your 40s, it's easier to look for something career oriented. And getting a career-builder type degree can put you into the financial security you currently lack.
NACADA does an online masters in academic advising through Kansas State - maybe that. It was my 2nd choice. There are a lot of higher ed administration degrees you can get online too. I did one through my local state university.
and 1) don't kill yourself
sorry for the poor organization - I just saw your suicide joke and felt compelled to tell you some of your choices ASAP
and 1) don't kill yourself
Your family loves you and they need you. Stay with us.
ReplyDeleteOn a gratingly practical note, could you sell your research, editing, writing skills on Taskrabbit or Fiverr? I've read of folks making as many as 3 figures large that way. Not to endorse the gig economy, but what choice do so many of us have at this point?
Take care and check in again, let us know how you're doing.
Dear Professor Putah, I have a much loved son who thinks his life is worthless. He's made it clear that he chooses not to end his life because of how much it would hurt me, his Dad, and his sister. So I speak from a pain filled place when I tell you that your impulse to save your family the pain of experiencing your self-inflicted death is a good impulse, but that your best gift to them and to yourself would be to decide that you can accept a different life from the one you counted on. That you could be content with your life regardless of specifics regarding your particular path, and focus instead on the person you are and the people you have the good fortune to meet.
ReplyDeleteI advise you to pursue a different career path. I work at a college where with the gen Ed requirements fulfilled (as they obviously would be for you) you would be a year or less from qualifying for a good paying job as a technical assistant in Radiology and other medical areas, or you could be a dental Assistant (they make particularly good money in my area) or you could certify to teach secondary education in a year. There are things you can do. You just have to know that none of these paths represent failure. You have to be able to regroup. To know that your advanced degree will always be a part of who you are. To be able to envision more than one path to a worthwhile life. Please, please, oh God please open your heart to the possibility that there is more than one way for you to be happy.
I woke up thinking about you. One more suggestion: file for bankruptcy. Go see a lawyer because it's tricky to do now. You need a fresh start. I wish I could give you a hug!
DeleteOh, Bella,
DeleteNot to hijack the thread, but I've been thinking about your and your son ever since the last time you wrote about him, and I'm so glad to hear he's hanging in there. You're both still in my prayers.
And Professor Pottah, do please listen to everyone else who has replied here. There's always another path, even if you have to chop down bushes to get to it.
Thank you, Penny. I appreciate your support and kind words now and then.
DeleteI, too, am glad to hear from you, Bella. I'll continue to keep you and your son in my prayers (which you can interpret as good wishes of any sort that works for you; I haven't the slightest how/whether prayer works, but I do it nonetheless).
DeleteUnfortunately, I believe that student loans are *not* dischargeable in bankruptcy. Credit card debt is, of course, and mortgages *may* be negotiable in some circumstances, but in general student loan debt is a worse trap than any of the above kinds of debt, or medical debt, which apparently is the most common cause of bankruptcy (which might say something about what's wrong with our medical/insurance system, but I digress).
Thanks CC! Re bankruptcy, I do think you can restructure student loans, making them easier to pay back. It might be worth checking...
DeleteGet Cal's wife to subsidize your lifestyle.
ReplyDelete;-)
http://global.k-state.edu/education/academic-advising/masters/
ReplyDeletehttp://www.thebestschools.org/rankings/25-best-online-master-higher-education-degree-programs/
First, hang in there. As others have said, suicide really *isn't* an option. It's not just the shame; I know a couple of people who lost parents to suicide at various points in their lives, and it's a long-term psychological wound that makes it harder to cope with the rest of the shit life eventually throws at everyone, even for people who're generally doing quite well. So no, don't do that.
ReplyDeleteAnd do consider talking to a counselor, because even considering and rejecting the thought suggests the need for depression screening (as does not seeing a way out, which could be a realistic take on the situation, but also could be a "depression lies" scenario).
And yes, you need to find another career path (because adjunct isn't a career path, and, even with the finished degree, academia is more of a leap over a cliff with the hope that there's something promising not too far below than an actual career path these days).
I'm not sure what field you're in, but for anything in the research/writing field, paralegal might be an option. Apparently there's real demand (more so than for lawyers, who are more expensive, but also have to pay for far more expensive educations). In fact, a young relative is moving to Chicago to take up a 50k-a-year legal assistant position (she plans to go to law school, but the lawyers I know say that, strictly economically speaking, she should just stop there). (I hope she'll find a safe neighborhood in which to live; she is getting some local advice from various quarters).
On the science end of things, I've had several students who worked as pharmacy assistants. At least in my state, that requires a certificate from your local community college, but not a B.A. (or B.S.). It pays pretty well, hours can be flexible, and there's considerable demand.
So, yes, time to find a job that rewards you more appropriately than adjuncting, and perhaps also to sit down with a lawyer or financial counselor who can help identify any (healthy, non-self-destructive) ways out a financial hole. Most of all, know that, while you may, indeed, have made some bad decisions, this is not solely your fault or failure. There are all kinds of perverse incentives built into various systems (including housing and higher ed, to name two), and you've been caught up in several. At the very least, you share responsibility (but probably aren't going to get much help from the other parties involved in climbing out).
And whatever field you're in, test-writing may well be an option (it may feel like you're going over to the dark side, but standardized tests are a reality of life, and there are such things as better- and worse-written questions, and you can produce the former). Ditto for various sorts of curricular design/contributions to online curricular "packages." These industries may eventually collapse -- in fact, I rather hope they will -- but they're not going away anytime soon. In the meantime, there tends to be more money in various sorts of consulting and curriculum design than there is in actual teaching.
Most important of all, it sounds like you've got a family you love, and who love you. So take care of yourself, and take care of them, and remember that that's the most important thing. Especially if your kids are relatively young, a summer spent doing free- or low-cost things with them can be a valuable investment of time in the long run (as well as a short-term savings if your wife works and you'd otherwise have to pay for day care). And even if they're surly teenagers, or heading in that direction, your time and presence mean more to them than they're probably willing to admit. So hang in there, and remember that you aren't your career (or lack thereof). You have other, equally-important roles in this world, and, while money is certainly a very necessary part of life, and its absence an incredible stressor, many parts of those roles don't depend directly on money.
It's not your fault. Academia is built to take bright, creative people and grind them down. Most professors are adjuncts. You're in good company.
ReplyDeleteAs my pastor said when I was in college, you are MORE than the sum of your accomplishments. You're a person who means something to your family and friends. You have value just from being yourself. Your family loves and needs you and we want you here. Please stay.
And try to get out from under the academic definition of success. It's impossible to ever do enough in the eyes of the academy.
Uggy, that last paragraph of yours should be engraved in granite over the gates of every university in the world. Truer word was never spoke.
DeleteProf. Pottah,
ReplyDeleteI'd be interested to hear how things turn out.
Perhaps we'll get an update?