perspective.

Beware. . .

PSA/thirsty: grandparents

We joke about this time of year being dangerous to grandparents, and it's true: some students' grandparents are in far better health (or much longer dead) than their grandkids' college professors are led to believe.

But I was reminded this week that grandparents do often fall ill, and sometimes die, while their grandchildren are in college.  A friend's father-in-law collapsed suddenly early this week, and, though he's making a slow recovery, things could easily have gone the other way -- and his college-freshman grandson could have lost his second grandparent in as many years, just before exams.  And the grandson is a good, fairly innocent, kid, who would never lie about such a thing himself, and would have trouble imagining that others might -- or that his professors might in fact have encountered multiple students who lied about dead or dying grandparents.

Even in grad school, I was similarly naive: when I canceled a (fairly routine) seminar presentation on
short notice, it never occurred to me that my professor wouldn't take my explanation -- that my grandmother had died suddenly, and I needed to meet my father in a city an hour away to make arrangements -- at face value (it also didn't occur to me to provide some context, including mentioning that my mother, an only child, died when I was a child; that I was this grandmother's oldest living blood relative; and that I had been playing a role in arranging her care and managing her finances for the last several years.  In some ways, I was responsible beyond my years; in others, like many 20-somethings, I took my own experiences, and the perspective they created, for granted, and had a limited sense of just how different others' experiences and perspectives were).  I'm not sure whether the professor believed me or not, but in retrospect, she did cool considerably toward me after that episode, which makes me wonder.

I'm also mindful that one of my own grandfathers died during my freshman year, but not at a particularly busy time of year, or in a context that required me to miss more than a class or two (I left for Thanksgiving a day early to attend his burial, which my father scheduled partly to minimize disruption of my and my brother's school schedules. I also flew to my grandparents' home city when he was first hospitalized, about a month before, with full knowledge that I was probably saying goodbye, but that was over a weekend, so it didn't affect classes, and I doubt I mentioned it to my professors).   I suspect that's more the norm: there are, after all, 52 weeks in the year, and only a few of them hold midterms and final exams.  Even assuming that most students start college with at least 2 living grandparents, and leave with no more than 1, and taking into account the large numbers of students some of us teach, the likelihood of numerous grandparents falling ill during a few crucial weeks of the semester is relatively low. 

Based on my own experience (especially the grad school one), I tend to take students' explanations/excuses of family emergencies at face value, but in many ways I have it easy: the grade in my course is based on papers, not exams, and the papers have to be finished by a certain date so that I can grade them and turn in final grades by the deadline.  They either exist or they don't, and if not, the student is or isn't well enough caught up to receive an incomplete (and in most cases, if (s)he is on top things, (s)he doesn't need an incomplete, just a brief extension, for which I allow room in the course calendar, partly because I can't grade c. 90 final papers in a few days anyway).  I know it would be more complicated if I taught classes with more tests and exams.

So maybe I'll make this a Friday thirsty (though those are supposed to be fun, aren't they? Or maybe just likely to drive one to drink? If so, this might qualify, at least slightly, especially at a time of year when the need to make even one more slightly-complex judgement call can feel like the last straw).

Q: How common are dead/dying grandparent excuses, in your experience?  Have they become more or less common over your teaching career? And how do you deal with them?  

scavenger hunt for student athletes at Union College

The flava:

Participants are required to record or photograph the acts for proof.

Among the lower bracket acts include: Draw a penis on your face and don't remove it for 24 hours for 100 points, puke on someone for 100 points, eat a whole weed brownie for 100 points, and have sex on the ice for 200 points.

Examples of higher bracket acts include: Drink a teammate's urine for 400 points, smoke a blunt with a teacher for 1000 points, and male on male blowjob for 2000 points.

The article:

http://www.newyorkupstate.com/capital-region/2017/04/union_college_investigating_scavenger_hunt_that_involves_sex_weed_and_urine.html

end of semester e-mails are always the best, from Wombat of the Copier

Dear Professor whose once weekly class I’ve already missed 5 times,

     I would like an excuse for today because I have a cold.  I will e-mail you to make an appointment
to go over what I missed when I’m feeling better.

-Student who has attended 7 out of 13 classes

 ---

Dear Student who has attended 7 out of 13 classes,

     I don’t think I understand what you mean by “I would like an excuse for today”. You get 2 drops, and after that grades of 0 will be counted.  My office hours are XYZ.  Feel better.

-WotC

Moriarty from Midland emails a statement

"College should be a place where they don't make you feel crazy for telling the truth."

freshman at track meet killed in hammer-throw accident (Chicago Tribune)

"A Wheaton College student was killed Saturday after being accidentally hit by a hammer during a hammer throw event at a track and field competition.

Ethan Roser, 19, a freshman from the Cincinnati area studying to be a minister, was volunteering at the Wheaton College track and field competition when he was struck at about 4:15 p.m. He had just transferred to the school in January."

RGM note:  I hope everybody at that college heaps love on the student athlete who threw the hammer and accidentally hit the other student.  It can be nerve-racking enough to have to perform, compete, and try to excel while people stare and sometimes jeer from the bleachers.  I can't even imagine.

Big Thirsty about plain-clothes cops in the classroom

There's insecurity in the world.  I feel the destabilization in quite tangible ways on my campus today.  Seemingly threats everywhere.  And then I read about unexpected, disturbing stuff.  It would be nice to have a little more predictability, a little more foresight, a little more trust, a little less walking on
eggshells.

Not long after Obama/Biden got into the White House, there were articles about how the Secret Service followed Jill Biden as she taught her college classes:
After Secret Service arrived in suits and earpieces on her first day at Northern Virginia Community College, she suggested they dress less conspicuously. The next day they showed up looking like junior bankers on Casual Friday — khakis and ties. Biden again asked them to tone it down. Some of her students have only a vague awareness of her role as second lady. Asked once if she was related to the vice president, Biden responded efficiently, "Yes, we are related."

I've been interacting more with the police on campus lately.  'Nuff said.

Q. Have you had plain-clothes law-enforcement officers (not officers who are enrolled as students) in your classes while you've been teaching (due to threats or concerns)?  How did you deal with it?  Did you ask for them to be there?  Did the student affairs staff work well with you on the matter?

A First

After twenty-plus years in the classroom, I don't find myself experiencing a lot of teaching firsts anymore. But today was the first time I began a reply to a student email with "I'm sorry to hear of your [parent's] detention [by ICE].  Please let me know if I can be of help in locating appropriate resources."

It's possible, of course, that students have had parents detained or deported before, and they just didn't
mention it. It's also possible that the detained parent will become the dead grandparent of the Trump era, at least among certain demographics.  But I'm inclined to trust this particular account, which comes from a student who's been quietly responsible all semester -- not 100% perfect in either attendance or on-time completion of work, but close, and not inclined to offer excuses or ask for exemptions. So I'm inclined to take hir explanation for missing a deadline today at face value: hir parent has been taken away, and (s)he's the only member of the family who can safely follow up with authorities.

So there we are.  Add one more roadblock/distraction to the long list of obstacles many of my students face on the way to completing their educations.  And in this case, the person whose education is being impeded is a certified medical professional (of the low-paid but very necessary sort) who is studying for a higher certification (which will allow hir to perform a better-paid and equally necessary job).  So, whether the student is a citizen or has DACA status, perhaps, just perhaps, this is someone we might like to keep in the country, and on track to finishing college, out of self-interest as well as on principle? 

A Professor Reflects on Her Time in the Eye of a Social-Media Storm

"Like I said, I had the support of my dean, and that meant a lot because the person who observes me, the person who evaluates me, immediately knew, Oh, this is garbage. And he had my back. But for others, maybe they’re not necessarily that lucky or they’re not tenured."

SAGE Publications, can we agree that this is fair use? Thanks.

Why Good Teaching Evaluations May Reward Bad Teaching:  On Grade Inflation and Other Unintended Consequences of Student Evaluations, by Wolfgang Stroebe

Last known impact factor of "Perspectives on Psychological Science": 9.955

Big Thirsty (at the end of the day)

If you could anonymously give $5,000 to anyone at your school, who would it be?

And if you could include a typed note to them, would you?

Journal article or job description? (from Wombat of the Copier)

Characterizing illusions of competence in introductory chemistry students

Pazicni, Samuel, and Christopher F. Bauer. "Characterizing illusions of competence in introductory chemistry students." Chemistry Education Research and Practice 15.1 (2014): 24-34.

Mood.

"Textbook Exporters"

Good Morning,

We will have a book buyer in your area this Thurs/Fri buying books from faculty and staff. If you have any unwanted current edition textbooks our rep will be happy to stop by and make a cash offer for them. We are also able to buy instructor/exam copies.

If you would like to make an appointment please reply with your availability and a location that is convenient for you. Our rep can meet off campus if your books are located at home or elsewhere. This is by appointment only so our rep will not be stopping by unless you reply and request an appointment.

Thanks and have a great day!

Jessica Williams
Textbook Exporters
==============================================
Unsubscribe zooze.the.horse@orange.edu from this list:
http://pearson.us7.list-manage.com/unsubscribe?u=gibberish&id=gibberish

pros and cons of attendance, from Wombat of the Copier

My school services a high percentage of at-risk and low-SES students.  For this reason, the culture is very hands-on or "intrusive" (swear to god that's the term for it). It's mandatory to make attendance mandatory and to count it in the grade calculation.

I have a big lecture.  The front 3rd of the room is great - they are great and they are doing great - everything is as it should be with them.  The back 3rd is a bunch of jerks (yeah, touchy-feely love-the-students Wombat has a couple dozen jerks in her lecture).   They're jerks - they are failing - everything is as it should be with them.

It's the middle 3rd.  The middle of the room is nice kids trying hard but they are distracted by the jerks in the back.  The jerks show up for the attendance quiz.  They don't get that they wouldn't need that 5% of their grade if they weren't a bunch of jerks who don't know what the fuck is going on.  So they show up and do their jerk thing for their 5 points.

I'm seriously thinking of "forgetting" the attendance quizzes and announcing, "oops, my bad I don't have an attendance quiz today" at the start of every class from now on so they'll just fucking leave out the back as soon as I turn around.

If you were my chair and you were really gung-ho about mandatory attendance, what would I have to tell you to not get fired after I flagrantly failed to comply with mandatory attendance down the homestretch?

-WotC

College admissions: the myth of meritocracy (csmonitor.com)

The flava:

Clearly, seniors did not apply to college from a level playing field – but many think they did. In the dozens of interviews I’ve done with students who make it to elite colleges, I’ve found that most students who make it to top universities believe the college admissions process is a meritocracy in which the objectively “best” high school seniors have made it to their campus. They believe that they and their peers have made it because they worked hard and were smart. “Everyone that gets in deserves to be here,” as one Harvard student put it.

But this narrative is wrong.

The rest:

http://www.csmonitor.com/EqualEd/EqualEd-Voices/2017/0329/College-admissions-the-myth-of-meritocracy

Hungry Hungry Hippocampus sends in a Speedy Rant

Dear Students,

Class ends at 1:45.  When I tell you that you can take until 1:50 to finish the exam, but that after that I absolutely must leave, that’s me being nice—see, you get five extra minutes, even though 90% of the class was done by 1:30.  When, at 1:50, I give the three of you still present (out of a class of 60) two MORE minutes to finish up, that’s me being a pushover.  When, in two minutes, I tell you again that I absolutely had to leave four minutes ago, and you STILL sit there, that’s you being a jerk.  When I come over to where you are and demand the exam from you, that’s not me being mean, it’s me being too nice to just leave the room and give you a 0 for not turning the exam in when I said to.  So perhaps next time study a little more, and save the scowling and growling for someone who hasn’t just gone out of his way to give you every chance he could to finish an exam that everyone else finished a long time ago.

Sincerely,

Your (now very late) Professor

PS:  Marking the answers on the question sheet and waiting until later to fill in the bubbles on the scantron is a TERRIBLE test-taking strategy.

PPS:  If you have this problem in all of your classes, please see Student Disability Services to see whether you might have a condition that would merit treatment and accommodation.  Otherwise, you might try studying a little harder next time.

BIG Thirsty

1. What's the title of the book that's closest to your bed (or wherever you sleep)?

2. Is it a paper copy or a digital copy (e.g., Kindle) or something else?

3. Will you talk about the book with anybody at your school?

Who won the book?

Krabby Kathy won the book!

:-)

Speedy Rant about Grade Grubbing, from Bella

Sorry, Grade-Grubbing Grace, but the fact that you are VERY upset is not a reason to change the grade on your exam, or to give you another chance. No, the fact that you are VERY VERY VERY upset is not a reason either. NO, you are wrong----when a question is answered incorrectly, that IS a valid reason to give it no points, even if the student wrote interesting things about a different question I might have asked. And NO, for crying out loud, the color of the curtains in that short story was not ironic in ANY way. You did not receive points because you did not demonstrate an understanding of irony AT ALL. And the fact that you are acting like such an intellectually superior know-it -all about this is VERY ironic.

That's all. Now get out of my office and let me drink my tea in peace.

Krabby Kathy submits a link to a rant at IHE

The flava:

Can’t or Won’t: The Culture of Helplessness
By Lori Isbell
. . . 
We now have courses at my college, under the label of “student success,” that are designed to teach (and award college-level academic credit for) things such as time management and a sense of self-awareness.

While I certainly value such skills and traits, and hope that my students have them or develop them over time, the very existence of such classes lends credence to the proposition that students lack these basic elements of young adulthood when entering college.

The rest:
https://www.insidehighered.com/advice/2017/03/14/professor-examines-why-her-students-seem-act-so-helpless-essay

Trump Defends Obama's For-Profit College Crackdown (Bloomberg)

The flava:
For-profit colleges were supposed to thrive under a Trump administration staffed by officials known to be friendly to the industry. President Donald Trump and Republican allies in Congress had made broad promises either to revisit or to repeal federal rules governing the schools. That gave hope to for-profit colleges and their investors, driving up their stock prices. Meanwhile, consumer protection advocates worried about a resurgent for-profit college sector unburdened by Obama-era rules.

A legal filing from last week suggests perhaps those assumptions were premature.

The link to the story:
https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2017-04-03/trump-defends-obama-s-for-profit-college-crackdown

Plagiarism Excuses, Graded (from Professor Chiltepin)

I get a lot of excuses.  Just got one today, in fact.  So I thought I'd finally produce a document with my responses I can cut and paste.  I'll also grade each excuse on three criteria: creativity, or how interesting it is; plausibility, or how likely it is that it's really true; and effectiveness, or how likely it is to get me not to submit the plagiarism report and fail you.

"I submitted the wrong file!"
The one you plagiarized?  You have one that you didn't plagiarize?  No, don't send it.  I don't care.  That's not the one you submitted.  But at least it's a plausible excuse: you're not cheating, you're just Creativity: D.  Plausibility: B-.  Effectiveness: F.
completely hapless.

"I just panicked.  I never do anything like this.  I'm really sorry."
Cool.  Glad you're sorry.  Don't do it again.  But you did do it this time, so you can never again say 'never.'  Creativity: F.  Plausibility: A-.  Effectiveness: F.

"This isn't fair!  I worked really hard on this!"
You worked really hard plagiarizing it, that's true.  But it's kind of the definition of fair, that you fail the class now.  Creativity: B.  Plausibility: F.  Effectiveness: F.

"My roommate did it.  I loaned him the paper, so he could see how to format his own paper for another class and he must have submitted his version which was plagiarized accidentally because I stayed logged on in the class website so I didn't know that he submitted it and when I went to submit mine I must have submitted it to the wrong thing so it never showed up . . . "
Stop talking.  Just hush.  Hush.  You had me at "my roommate."  Creativity: A-.  Plausibility: D.  Effectiveness: F.

"Oh my God, I downloaded that paper to use for research and I must have submitted it instead of my real paper.  I'm so embarrassed."
You downloaded the paper, changed the name on it, and then accidentally submitted it?  And you were using Fast Essays to Screw Your Education Dot Com as a source?  Huh.  You know what, I think I actually might believe you, because you could be that stupid.  Creativity: C.  Plausibility: C.  Effectiveness: F.

"Fuck you, motherfucker!  I'm gonna kill you."  
Yes, I actually got that once.  My reaction was a call to security.
Creativity: A.  Plausibility:  A.  Effectiveness: F this job.

What are your favorite excuses for plagiarism?

--Professor Chiltepin