Mom died more than four years ago. I got drunk every day after that for probably at least a couple of years. I still feel stunned by the whole thing. She was so kind. She and I had ostensibly different theologies. But she always always always treated me with respect and fairness. I'm not sure how other people survive without that unconditional love. I wish I could bring her back. Her body is a few miles from here under the ground in a cemetery. She understood dignity before #MeToo, and before she could get a credit card without her husband, and before so many other things. I want to say, "Mom, I love you. I hope that you know that and always knew that. I did the best I could. I hope you know that."
I have shared about her many times, and I don't doubt that other people have their own stories about the parents they loved.
What does this have to do with higher education? I guess it's that we're all on the same pale blue dot, that most of us in this business wish to do the right thing and to help our students and our colleagues. Perhaps too many of us faculty go overboard with pursuing integrity and truth. And it's just hard. I think we try to give students options and always respect them and never abuse their trust. And it also is about not humiliating subordinates when we are the department chair or other administrator.
I wish I had some wisdom to share, but I've been drinking.
My god, life is really not easy, is it?
Zooze, thank you for keeping the blog going, for acknowledging Cal's birthday every year, for all you do.
I'm sorry this is inelegant. Cupcake toothpaste posthaste. . . .
Thank you, Bubba.
ReplyDeleteBased on emails I've received over the years, I think some people might think Bubba and I are the same person. But we are not. I am in awe of Bubba's writing. And the depth of his feelings. And his devotion to his mother. Enough said.
Frankly, I only took over trying to maintain some kind of blog here because I thought it would lift Bubba's spirits. He and I go way back to when we serendipitously bonded over stuff like the Christian Science Monitor and Ira Iscoe at the University of Texas. Then one day he kept talking about Compound Cal and all these characters (all you characters). So I started reading the blog every day, just so I could know where his head was at. (It's important to be familiar with a friend's vocabulary and values, isn't it?) And now I find that I've been keeping track of "college stuff" and sharing it for many years.
Hang in there, Bubba. Thank you to everybody reading this.