"I submitted the wrong file!"
The one you plagiarized? You have one that you didn't plagiarize? No, don't send it. I don't care. That's not the one you submitted. But at least it's a plausible excuse: you're not cheating, you're just Creativity: D. Plausibility: B-. Effectiveness: F.
completely hapless.
"I just panicked. I never do anything like this. I'm really sorry."
Cool. Glad you're sorry. Don't do it again. But you did do it this time, so you can never again say 'never.' Creativity: F. Plausibility: A-. Effectiveness: F.
"This isn't fair! I worked really hard on this!"
You worked really hard plagiarizing it, that's true. But it's kind of the definition of fair, that you fail the class now. Creativity: B. Plausibility: F. Effectiveness: F.
"My roommate did it. I loaned him the paper, so he could see how to format his own paper for another class and he must have submitted his version which was plagiarized accidentally because I stayed logged on in the class website so I didn't know that he submitted it and when I went to submit mine I must have submitted it to the wrong thing so it never showed up . . . "
Stop talking. Just hush. Hush. You had me at "my roommate." Creativity: A-. Plausibility: D. Effectiveness: F.
"Oh my God, I downloaded that paper to use for research and I must have submitted it instead of my real paper. I'm so embarrassed."
You downloaded the paper, changed the name on it, and then accidentally submitted it? And you were using Fast Essays to Screw Your Education Dot Com as a source? Huh. You know what, I think I actually might believe you, because you could be that stupid. Creativity: C. Plausibility: C. Effectiveness: F.
"Fuck you, motherfucker! I'm gonna kill you."
Yes, I actually got that once. My reaction was a call to security.
Creativity: A. Plausibility: A. Effectiveness: F this job.
What are your favorite excuses for plagiarism?
--Professor Chiltepin
"I had a virus on my computer, and it must have uploaded my paper to FreeTermPapers.com while I was asleep." (N.B., the paper had been on FreeTermPapers.com since before the student enrolled in the class.)
ReplyDeleteEver have a student plagiarize something YOU wrote? Discovering it is one weird feeling, much like having your car stolen.
ReplyDeleteYup, but never from any of my published work. Instead, I sometimes get students plagiarizing from the extensive lecture notes I provide as a supplement in one of my classes. Apparently, those students are too lazy even to go over to Wikipedia to find something to plagiarize. I swear, sometimes it's like a battle of wits with a completely unarmed person.
DeleteYup. Had something published online under a pseudonym, and student copied/pasted about 75% of it. I asked student if s/he plagiarized, was answered with the standard "no", and watched as student nearly shit hirself when the truth was revealed.
DeleteNot yet, but that's probably because my students have at least some standards.
DeleteAn international student who plagiarized on an application for a capstone project came up with "I really want to work with you next year, so I wanted to impress you"
ReplyDeleteI would almost prefer excuses. Instead I get painful apologies, with pleas that I not think less of them because of the event. (Like that's even possible.)
ReplyDeleteThis semester, a student turned in a lab report that he had submitted the previous term. This is a big no-no. Upon further investigation, I discovered that he had copied the original paper. Self plagiarism of a plagiarized paper!
ReplyDeleteThe prof I submitted the assignment to is trying to frame me. That student got expelled.
ReplyDelete"But there's no other way to say that!" (often from students who can't reproduce the sentence in question when asked).
ReplyDeleteSadly, this one is now being advanced by the victim of about-to-be Supreme Court Justice Neal Gorsuch's apparent plagiarism:
"Kuzma, a one-time aide to former Sen. Dick Lugar (R-Ind.), did not respond to an inquiry from POLITICO, but released a statement through Gorsuch’s team. Kuzma said she does 'not see an issue here, even though the language is similar.'
'These passages are factual, not analytical in nature,' Kuzma, a former assistant attorney general in Indiana, said. 'It would have been awkward and difficult for Judge Gorsuch to have used different language.' "