What is love?
Really. I have heard colleagues say that they love their jobs. Then I wonder whether they would work for free. After all, no one demands to be paid for doing what they actually love.
But I think what my colleagues really mean is that they think they would rather endure their current misery--rather than some other unknown misery--for the paychecks they receive.
We're in the business of measuring and sorting people (most especially their central nervous systems). Does he have the IQ? Does she have the temperament? Can they function in the field? Can their disability be accommodated? Relative to others in her boat, can she swim? Will he fulfill his promise one day? Could she be the best? Will she embarrass us one day? Will they harm someone because I opened the gate for them?
We have to be shrewd, because we, too, are being judged on how well we judge.
But I'm not sure whether I care anymore about being judged.
To win. To perform. To dominate. To create. To impress. To be ethically or technically superior.
I'm kind of tired of it.
I read that and nodded my head throughout. The part of the job that's always been a trudge is grading. The students get more demanding every year, it seems. I still love it when in class, they understand what I'm trying to do. I still love it when I help them in office hours.
ReplyDeleteI don't love it when they judge me, saying that I don't give them enough guidance as to what will be on the exams. Actually, I give them plenty. Lots of examples, with questions similar to examples. But they want practice tests and real tests just like the practice tests. Change a number and copy and paste. They don't learn and I get hit by some on the evals, which my dean thinks are gospel.
I'm also kind of tired of it. I'm nearing the finish line. I will wish my younger colleagues well but I'll be glad I'm nearing the end of my career, not just starting it.