Zooze the Horse roams around the pasture near Lamar State College. Zooze thinks about problems in academia. Zhe wants proffies to submit posts (blog posts, not fence posts).
I'm still entertaining myself during work breaks by reading back through the archives. I never felt that I could legitimately post on my own, since I'm not actually a prof—my husband is the academic in the family—but boy, could I relate to so many of the things everyone moaned and groaned about, because they're the very same things Mr. Penny brings home every night. Like Ben and Frod, I take a great deal of warped pleasure in comparing the present-day tales of irresponsible students and sinking standards to my own undergraduate experience. This probably isn't fair, because my college days took place (a) over forty years ago now, and (b) in the somewhat rarefied atmosphere of a Seven Sisters college. Even so, the difference is dismaying. I hope you're all managing to find, somewhere in the dreck, at least a few students who are serious about themselves and their work, and giving them what they need.
Miss you guys. A lot. Thanks to everyone who's doing their best to keep Zooze afloat.
I don't think it ever was all misery. I've always seen RYS and its progeny as problem-solving discussions. If some snowflakes get melted in the process, so be it. Even where I am, nowhere near a Seven Sisters in quality, I get lots of fine students, but it's much more fun to read about the barely flickering bulbs.
I think the important thing I learned from CM in the Festival Of Oversharing is that there is more than one undergraduate experience, and that this has probably always been happening. Interested students and disinterested students interact with their professors in very different ways that are largely invisible to each other. Only when we become proffies do we discover the extent of the other side of things: the grade-grubbers, the passionless, the idiots who can't find the sharp end of the pencil, the psychologically damaged.
In some ways, this gives hope: it means there are quiet students out there who are having their lives transformed, we just don't always see them through the fog of war.
I've done it to myself, turned myself into a fearful and timid professor, tying up my whole self-worth in what others think of me: students, colleagues, and administrators.
All I wanted to be since the time I was a middle schooler was a teacher. I loved college and grad school was a blast. Then I was in the profession, and every bit of my courage and soul got stripped away.
I kissed ass and catered to my department to move along the tenure & promotion track. I dumbed down my classes to get student approval. I wrote incomprehensible gibberish in "hot fields" in order to publish things I wouldn't read myself if you put a gun to my head.
And I found myself stooped and depressed more and more.
I would come home from a day on campus and it would take longer and longer to be able to face my family, my wife, my sons, my friends. By Saturday night I would be closest to my old self, facing the barbecue, tossing a football, catching a new movie with my sweetie. By Sunday afternoon the gloom began to fall. More boot licking. More stooping.
And it was all on me. I could have said no to things. I could have said, forget the student evaluations; I'm going to do what I think is right. I could have told my chair to rope someone else into doing the work that nobody else would do. And if by standing up I would have lost my job, lost my good name, lost my credibility, what would I have been losing?
I'm a nebbish, a toady. And it happened because I let it all happen. If you can't be human, be strong, be engaged and confident, what good is the $56,000 I make. I should have gotten down on my knees and begged them to fire me, just so that I wouldn't have wasted all of these years.
==========
Before College Misery of course and not me. But when it appeared on RYS a decade ago, I would never have believed that I would get to a place in my career where I felt similar.
I am leaving the profession in May, without another thought. I've struggled but have started freelance writing. Saddens me because my disillusion felt fast. Freefall.
My colleagues treat me gently like I am crazy or made of glass. But my family says I am more myself than I've been in years.
I let the job beat me. But my life isn't over yet. I am just on a different path.
I wish every single academic who's miserable in their job—including but not limited to the shamelessly exploited adjuncts—had a viable way to walk away from their horrible working conditions and find something more rewarding to do. Maybe then the university administrations would wake up and start to realize they shouldn't treat human beings like this.
(I almost wrote "can't treat human beings like this," but of course they *can*, and they do.)
About the "I've done it all to myself" post from RYS, Batshit U has paid consulting companies for their expertise in creating this kind of situation. I wish I were kidding, but I'm not.
We've gone from less-than-average misery to well above what's normal or healthy in just a couple of years.
I can walk away (and might well do) but not everyone can.
I hope the original author of the piece is well. And also that Fab will allow us to see some of his new path in the future.
Poor fucking Fab. Who'd have thought I'd still be in the profession when he is leaving? And worse yet, after a decade of wandering, not only have I taken a full time gig at a large university in the west, now I'm moving into a split faculty/administration post. Once again I'm putting my head in the noose.
I hear from Fabby now and again, and I want to report that he's in good humor about his situation. Yes, he's had the disillusion that many people feel, but he was smart enough to start exiting before it drove him mad. (c.f. poor fucking Terry!)
I send my best to everyone, too, at Christmas, year end, semester end, etc. I always think of Yaro at this time of year - confession I always think of Yaro.
Zooze, you magnificent beast. I hope your fields are clear and the sky is blue.
There's life after administration, Cal! I actually barked today (after 6 years of just teaching and research after I stepped down as dean). And oh my, everyone jumped because they know that I do actually know the rules and can break their little schemes if I want to. It was very satisfying, before I returned to corrections.
I hope Fab sells lots of whatever zhe's writing, and I, too, often think of eloquent Yaro. All the best in 2018 to everyone!
I'm still entertaining myself during work breaks by reading back through the archives. I never felt that I could legitimately post on my own, since I'm not actually a prof—my husband is the academic in the family—but boy, could I relate to so many of the things everyone moaned and groaned about, because they're the very same things Mr. Penny brings home every night. Like Ben and Frod, I take a great deal of warped pleasure in comparing the present-day tales of irresponsible students and sinking standards to my own undergraduate experience. This probably isn't fair, because my college days took place (a) over forty years ago now, and (b) in the somewhat rarefied atmosphere of a Seven Sisters college. Even so, the difference is dismaying. I hope you're all managing to find, somewhere in the dreck, at least a few students who are serious about themselves and their work, and giving them what they need.
ReplyDeleteMiss you guys. A lot. Thanks to everyone who's doing their best to keep Zooze afloat.
I don't think it ever was all misery. I've always seen RYS and its progeny as problem-solving discussions. If some snowflakes get melted in the process, so be it. Even where I am, nowhere near a Seven Sisters in quality, I get lots of fine students, but it's much more fun to read about the barely flickering bulbs.
DeleteI think the important thing I learned from CM in the Festival Of Oversharing is that there is more than one undergraduate experience, and that this has probably always been happening. Interested students and disinterested students interact with their professors in very different ways that are largely invisible to each other. Only when we become proffies do we discover the extent of the other side of things: the grade-grubbers, the passionless, the idiots who can't find the sharp end of the pencil, the psychologically damaged.
DeleteIn some ways, this gives hope: it means there are quiet students out there who are having their lives transformed, we just don't always see them through the fog of war.
Indeed we do.
ReplyDeleteBut we also love Zooze, and hope zhe is enjoying the pasture this winter.
...wearing a wildly colorful equine sweater-blanket...
DeleteI miss it all. And all who sailed with us.
ReplyDeleteXOXO
Fab
Ten Years Ago from RYS
ReplyDeleteFriday, December 21, 2007
"I've Done It To Myself."
I don't blame anyone else for it.
I've done it to myself, turned myself into a fearful and timid professor, tying up my whole self-worth in what others think of me: students, colleagues, and administrators.
All I wanted to be since the time I was a middle schooler was a teacher. I loved college and grad school was a blast. Then I was in the profession, and every bit of my courage and soul got stripped away.
I kissed ass and catered to my department to move along the tenure & promotion track. I dumbed down my classes to get student approval. I wrote incomprehensible gibberish in "hot fields" in order to publish things I wouldn't read myself if you put a gun to my head.
And I found myself stooped and depressed more and more.
I would come home from a day on campus and it would take longer and longer to be able to face my family, my wife, my sons, my friends. By Saturday night I would be closest to my old self, facing the barbecue, tossing a football, catching a new movie with my sweetie. By Sunday afternoon the gloom began to fall. More boot licking. More stooping.
And it was all on me. I could have said no to things. I could have said, forget the student evaluations; I'm going to do what I think is right. I could have told my chair to rope someone else into doing the work that nobody else would do. And if by standing up I would have lost my job, lost my good name, lost my credibility, what would I have been losing?
I'm a nebbish, a toady. And it happened because I let it all happen. If you can't be human, be strong, be engaged and confident, what good is the $56,000 I make. I should have gotten down on my knees and begged them to fire me, just so that I wouldn't have wasted all of these years.
==========
Before College Misery of course and not me. But when it appeared on RYS a decade ago, I would never have believed that I would get to a place in my career where I felt similar.
I am leaving the profession in May, without another thought. I've struggled but have started freelance writing. Saddens me because my disillusion felt fast. Freefall.
My colleagues treat me gently like I am crazy or made of glass. But my family says I am more myself than I've been in years.
I let the job beat me. But my life isn't over yet. I am just on a different path.
Fab
I wish every single academic who's miserable in their job—including but not limited to the shamelessly exploited adjuncts—had a viable way to walk away from their horrible working conditions and find something more rewarding to do. Maybe then the university administrations would wake up and start to realize they shouldn't treat human beings like this.
Delete(I almost wrote "can't treat human beings like this," but of course they *can*, and they do.)
Best of luck, Fab. You're doing the right thing.
About the "I've done it all to myself" post from RYS, Batshit U has paid consulting companies for their expertise in creating this kind of situation. I wish I were kidding, but I'm not.
DeleteWe've gone from less-than-average misery to well above what's normal or healthy in just a couple of years.
I can walk away (and might well do) but not everyone can.
I hope the original author of the piece is well. And also that Fab will allow us to see some of his new path in the future.
Thank you Fab! And to all of you who celebrate it, Merry Christmas! To all - enjoy the winter break.
ReplyDeletePoor fucking Fab. Who'd have thought I'd still be in the profession when he is leaving? And worse yet, after a decade of wandering, not only have I taken a full time gig at a large university in the west, now I'm moving into a split faculty/administration post. Once again I'm putting my head in the noose.
ReplyDeleteI hear from Fabby now and again, and I want to report that he's in good humor about his situation. Yes, he's had the disillusion that many people feel, but he was smart enough to start exiting before it drove him mad. (c.f. poor fucking Terry!)
I send my best to everyone, too, at Christmas, year end, semester end, etc. I always think of Yaro at this time of year - confession I always think of Yaro.
Zooze, you magnificent beast. I hope your fields are clear and the sky is blue.
Cal
There's life after administration, Cal! I actually barked today (after 6 years of just teaching and research after I stepped down as dean). And oh my, everyone jumped because they know that I do actually know the rules and can break their little schemes if I want to. It was very satisfying, before I returned to corrections.
DeleteI hope Fab sells lots of whatever zhe's writing, and I, too, often think of eloquent Yaro. All the best in 2018 to everyone!
It's like, the LONGEST time CM has been down...
ReplyDelete